When someone you love dies you experience bereavement and grief. Bereavement is an event, a loss where there is an absence and it sets off the grief ordeal. The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and the final stage acceptance. Everyone will experience some type of grief at least once in their lifetime. Grief is the price we pay for loving. Many students feel they are alone and that no one has ever lost someone. In a case study done by David E. Balk a professor at Kansas State University, he states, “bereavement in the lives of college students is more prevalent than many persons realize”. (Balk, D. 1998) The case study was done on a tradional-age college student following the death of her father, and eighty bereaved students over a four year period of time. The eighty students also participated in a separate study in the four years. Evidence from the study found that the school was filled with students grieving in different ways, yet the main purpose of the study was how this nineteen year old female. She had just lost her father and soon returned to campus, the study ended after four years after she received her degree. Some people questioned if this study could be accurate because it was based on only one person, yet Mr. Balk used all the information he gathered from the other eighty students in his findings. The young lady remained unnamed throughout the study yet she worked closely with the Counseling services. She gave all rights up on her journal to be used in the case study. Her journal was very helpful in the study as the dates were solid evidence in his findings. Entries dated showed how she would write to her father in her journal as if he were still alive. She would write a lot on certain times of the year. For example, many people find the holidays and other special dates very hard during the grieving process. (Balk, D. 1998).The journal entries were proof of how she was grieving and what process of grief she used.
Many Students do not realize that there is help available and they are not alone and some students feel as if they are alone while grieving. In the surveys conducted at Kansas State University campus proved that at any point in time 25-30% of the students are within the first twelve months of the death of a family member or of a friend. “An intriguing component of the students’ experience of bereavement is that few recognize how many other students share their condition”. (Balk, D. 1998). Bereavement and grief are both emotions that many college students face. For example, many of the students live away from home and do not have the support system they would have had by being with their families. Students may feel alone and scared in their grief process, but can be secure knowing help is available on campus and on web sites these services are free to all students. Some helpful information about grief and bereavement can be found from these web sites, SIRA: Grief and Bereavement http:// www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qyt56m_3tNM , and www.health.com .
Studies prove that there are three different types of adaptive grieving styles. (Doughty, E. 2009). A study conducted at Idaho State University by The Department of Counseling covering the different adaptive grieving styles that help others. Adaptive grieving styles are distinguished by the internal experience of the loss and outward expression relating to the loss. For example, adaptive grieving styles can be seen as a board, at one end of a board is the intuitive grieving pattern, at the other end of the board is the instrumental pattern, and in the middle is the blended pattern.
The three types of adaptive grieving styles are broken down so each person can identify with which style characterizes each person. Intuitive grievers are extremely sad and filled with pain from their loss. They grieve with emotional expression, they cry, talk to others about their loss, and by connecting with others regarding their experience. “Their expressions of grief truly mirror their inner experiences”. (Doughty, E. 2009). Instrumental grievers are less likely to display emotion. They seem cold and unfeeling, yet this is a healthy natural response. These grievers often report that they can not cry and can’t remember the last time they cried. Instrumental grievers are more likely to work through their grief by constructing a memorial for the deceased or by volunteering for an organization that was meaningful to their loved one rather than expressing their feelings. Blended grievers naturally experience and express their grief publicly and in private. They will cry if they feel like crying and they work on something in honor of their loved one. The blended griever will experience both styles the intuitive and instrumental, but one of these styles will be more dominate than the other. For example, if the blended griever did not have a dominate side they could become trapped in their grief. Complicated grief would arise from the person being trapped in their grief. (Doughty, E. 2009).
Some people may learn to get past the grief eventually, but for others the death of a loved one has changed their lives forever. The person who has died was a part of them in life, and many people want to keep it that way even after the death. People who are grieving experience many reactions, some unexpected. Knowing that some reactions are common may be helpful for people who are in the process of grieving.
Since the body and mind are connected, there are physical, behavioral, mental, spiritual, and emotional reactions associated with grief. (Balk, D. 1998) “Emotional Reactions: crying, hiding grief, being easily startled, and loneliness. Behavioral Reactions: sexually acting out, risky behavior, restlessness, withdrawal, clingy behavior, not wanting to be alone, reacting to stress, less productive in schoolwork, avoiding reminders of the person who died. Mental Reactions: problems with concentration, boredom, absentmindedness, lack of interest in school or hobbies. Spiritual Reactions: dreams and paranormal experiences or feeling of the deceased presence. Physical Reactions: changes in diet, fatigue, headaches, stomachaches, change in sleeping habits”. Many of these signs are normal reactions to grief. However, family members or friends must be able to detect if these signs become more severe. For example, if the sadness turns into suicidal thoughts? Has the person become so withdrawn they are in complete isolation? Does the person drink or turned to drugs to feel better?
The case study of Psychological Development during Four Years of Bereavement showed how someone goes through the grief process as if it were a rollercoaster with many ups and downs along the way. (Balk, D. 1998). Learning the three types of adaptive grieving styles opens a new light on how people grieve. Emotional reactions play a huge role in the grieving process and adaptive grieving styles. The signs of these reactions make others aware of normal and severe reactions. For example, often grieving people feel like they are the only person on earth going through such pain. If someone is grieving getting those help may save a life. Free help is available online and in the University Center on the second floor of The Office of Counseling and Psychological Services at Shawnee State University.
References
Balk, D. (1998) “Psychological Development During Four Years of Bereavement: A Longitudinal Case Study”. Death Studies 22 (8). Retrieved from http://web.ebscohost.com
Bereavement is a loss through death: www.health.com
Doughty, E. (2009). “Investigating Adaptive Grieving Styles: A Delphi Study”. Death Studies 33 (5). Retrieved from http://web.ebscohost.com.
SIRA: Grief and Bereavement http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qyt56m_3tNM
